This is the third time I have had to experience the moment of truth. The first time was in 2009 when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and had a following surgery to remove a rather large Endometrioma (chocolate cyst-don't google it...trust me). The second moment of truth was in 2012 when I had another rather large Endometrioma that had ruptured and caused me to bleed internally for a week. Good stuff. And now...I am back to another moment of truth.
I have had some pretty bad pain lately and bizarre bleeding. I had scans done and the good news is that I don't have another Endometrioma. Bad news is that my ovary is stuck to some random organ in my body. Originally, my doctor said pending the results from the scans I had two options: a clean up surgery and/or an injection called Lupron that essentially makes my token ovary hibernate. In all honesty, I have always known that I was going to have to have another surgery. And the doctor gave me that news this morning. I will be having another laparoscopic surgery where they will try to clean up all of my adhesions and they will unstick my ovary. Sound like fun yet? Oh and while they are in there, they are going to shoot dye up into my token Fallopian Tube to see if it is still functioning correctly to my ovary. Now it's a party!
Sometimes I struggle greatly. I am constantly in pain. If you ever hear me complain about being in pain than it has reached a pretty extreme level. Trying to maintain a strong, bubbly, happy output is so incredibly difficult and draining. I have moments where I crumble and I just get so incredibly sick of dealing with this. Other times, I realize that I have to just laugh through it and use humor to deal with the pain as well as the frustration. Having this disease sometimes makes me feel like I am crazy. Sometimes I question if this is really real or if I have just lost my ever loving mind. I often feel very alone in dealing with this. It's not a disease that you can look at me and see that I am suffering.
(wow I just really looked at this and realized that I have written a lot...guess what? I am not done!!!!)
After having been diagnosed with Endometriosis for over five years, I am just now starting to really understand the disease. I am just now connecting the dots from my disease to all of the other health problems that I have had over the years. Endometriosis is an immune system and hormone disease. It occurs when the tissue that lines the uterus is hanging out on the outside of the uterus. This leads to adhesions, scar tissue, Endometrioma growths, pelvic pain, back pain, tummy troubles, organs sticking to other organs, frequent illnesses, infertility, fatigue. The list is seriously huge and just keeps going. The cause of Endometriosis is unknown. There is also not a cure for it. Isn't that exciting?!
And before you tell me that I have so much to be positive about.....I know that. I have a beyond amazing husband who has been there through everything. I have two incredibly beautiful kids who are truly a miracle because I was not supposed to be able to have children. I have an awesome family. I have a good job.
There are a lot of things that I can be positive about. HOWEVER, when I am curled up in the fetal position thinking that my ovary is about to shoot out of my belly button and then wrap itself around my head.....the last thing I want to hear or think about is the positives. All I want at that point is to wallow in the fact that I am in constant pain. There is no relief. There is no help. Pain.
In all honesty, this post is me trying to wrap my head around this. I needed to put it in writing and out there so maybe I could process this better. We will see how this works out for me.
My incredible doctor emailed me some links that could provide more information and support for Endo. I am putting them in this post in case you get intrigued and want to read up more on a disease that is affecting millions of women. That's right. MILLIONS. 2-4% of women have this awesomeness. Oh, and did you know that March is Endometriosis awareness month?
Ok. Now I am done. Seriously!
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