I, I did it all

As I am writing this post, I am continuing to hum/sing (badly) One Republic's song "I Lived."  It is a reminder that you have the make the most of every day!  It came on the radio today as I headed over to my doctor's office.  I called today to schedule my next appointment.  That appointment was for me to get the next and last round of Lupron.  (summary of the whole Lupron thing and surgery here) I will have an appointment but I will not be doing that last round of Lupron.

Why?  My pain has not gone away.  I am no longer sleeping well because I hurt.  What is scary is that the pain has started on my right side (where I have no girly organs because they were surgically removed) and is now on my left side too.  The pain is excruciating.  The medicine that helps I can't take during the day so I just deal with the pain.  Like I tell my students, "suck it up, buttercup."

Why else?  Not only did the pain not go away but BONUS I got migraines.  Due to the migraines, I had to go on another medication to counterbalance it.  Oh, and I am also taking ANOTHER medication to balance my hormones.  I am like an old lady with all of the pills that I have to take.  As in I seriously do own one of those giant pill boxes.  Go ahead and laugh.  I giggle every time I use it.    

So I will be keeping that appointment but rather than getting that last injection I will be hearing what my options are.  Honestly, I am fully expecting the word "hysterectomy" to come out of my amazing doctor's mouth.  We went into this with her wanting to do what we could to avoid it but I have a feeling that there is nothing left.  There is a drug trial going on in the lower 48 but it is incredibly lengthy and I honestly don't want to deal with the pain as well as the uncertainty for that length of time.  I can't believe I just said that I was a possible candidate for a drug trial.  When did that become my reality?  Sometimes that is hard to wrap my mind around.  Where did the days go when I didn't just hurt?  I have a no-fun disease and it hugely impacts my life.

Not going to lie, some days it is INCREDIBLY difficult to be a strong person.  It is INCREDIBLY difficult just to function.  Even more, it is INCREDIBLY difficult to go to work and do the job that I do.  Some days I just get so tired of being tired and sick and feeling like crapola.  I tend to smile and laugh through my days so most people have no idea how difficult it is, how much energy I exert in putting that version of Jami out there.  I do it because there is no other option.  It's not like I can take a vacation from all of this.  There is no break.  There is no reprieve.  It is what it is.  Like I told my mama earlier, the only option I do have is to put one foot in front of the other.

Ugh this whole thing is crazy.  CRAZY.  I am a 30 year old woman who is looking at a hysterectomy.  However, I am a 30 year old woman who is married to the absolute best man.  I have 2 beautiful, amazing kids (that are complete blessings because I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids).  I have a wonderful, supporting family.  I have friends who are like family that are the best.  At the end of the day, it's all good.

 

"I Lived"

Hope when you take that jump
You don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises
You build a wall

Hope when the crowd screams out
They're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
Is give it all you have

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes
You'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup

I wish that I could witness
All your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes
I'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

         

Over a week...

I feel like crap.  Spent today home from work.  I feel like someone has swung a semi truck into me.  I can breathe but I feel congested.  It hurts to swallow.  Low grade fever is apparently my friend.  There are not enough words to explain the level of exhaustion that I feel.  I have no idea what I have done today.  I know the tv has been on but I don't know what I watched.

Joe's new truck

Pinata at a friend's birthday party

Swinging away

Party knocked him out

That dog loves her.

And she loves him.

Mommy, give me fish face. 

Wouldn't know that she doesn't feel good based on that picture

Hi.

This was my morning wake up on Sunday.

Someone else doesn't feel good.

We are sick. 

Sick girl.  Snot. Drool. Gross.

It's almost the weekend!

WHOOOO HOOOOOOO!  Today feels like friday to me because I don't have to be in the classroom all day tomorrow.  I am going to a nonviolent crisis intervention training.  Sound like fun?  The best part is that I get to hang out with my department all day and I don't see most of them during my work day!  I am going to imagine that I get pulled during the day at some point because my students might have a hard day with every single sped teacher being out.  This should be fun!

I took Mac to my high school on Tuesday to watch one of my students play basketball.  My friend Emily stole him and took him to the concession stand.  He proceeded to booty bounce in front of the football players running the stand.  Yup.  That's my kid. 

Look at my cute girl on Monday!  She was rocking the headband that my cousin Rose made for her!  Rose does a FANTASTIC job with headbands!  She is going to make Nora a tutu dress for Nora's birthday party.

Mac was not very fond of the buzzer during the game.  He also didn't understand the fact of time out.  He wanted to know why they were all in trouble. 

Nora is doing a great job of sitting up.  Bella decided to go sit near her.  Nora found Bella's collar to be fascinating.  Bella was super great with letting Nora just mess with her.  I think dogs might understand that she is just a baby so they have more patience.

See?  Check out Bella's patience....

This was the my hand at 8 oclock in the morning.  I had some kind of crazy allergic reaction.  My whole hand and then arm and then chest and then face turned bright red.  Then it swelled up.  In this picture, that was the most I could get my ring to go.  Later on that day, I wouldn't even be able to get it on my pinky finger.  Not fun at all.  I ended up having to go home and take 3 different rounds of Benadryl.  

My family.  Nora likes bags that make crinkle noises.  She is silly.

I love watching them play together.

This was my view last night.  

Nora was having a good time on the floor with Joe.  She gets this giant grin on her face when she sees him. 

Mac and I were hanging out on the sofa while Joe was playing with Nora.  After I was taking pictures of Nora and Joe, Mac goes "Mommy, take a picture of me watching tv."  Ok.

Check out that grin!  Nora loves her daddy oh so much.

Don't let this picture deceive you.  She does not like her feet being down but for some reason she stayed up long enough for me to take this picture.  

Heyward just wanted to check out to make sure that his baby was ok.  Heyward absolutely loves Nora. She touched his eyeball the other day and he didn't even flinch.  He laid perfectly still for her. He's like Nana in the old school Disney movie Peter Pan....

Nora @ 7 months

We are a LITTLE behind with this....and we forgot to weigh her.  But here it goes....big girl is 7 months old!

-She wears 6 month clothes still.
-She likes to eat.
-She likes to sit up to play.
-She likes to yell so loud that we can't tell if she is angry or laughing.
-She poops like 5 times a day.
-She gets angry when she poops and doesn't like to have a poopy diaper.
-She gets angry if you don't give her the spoon fast enough when you are feeding her.
-She is lazy and will refuse to hold her bottle.
-She is about to move up to size 3 diapers.
-She LOVES her brother.
-She is going to be feisty (I wonder where she gets that from?).
-She sleeps through the night.
-She laughs a lot.
-She is extremely ticklish.
-She laughs at her own farts.
-She likes to pull her dresses up.
-She likes to be around other people.
-She is real happy in the morning after her first bottle.
-She loves to be naked.
-She likes things that make crinkle noises.
-She is chewing on EVERYTHING.
-She is drooling on EVERYTHING.
-She might have her top teeth come in before her bottom.
-She likes Mac's cartoons.
-She loves Bella's collar.
-She adores everything about Heyward and constantly pulls on him, which he allows.
-She likes to roll all over the place.
-She is not liking this teething process at all.
-She only takes 2 naps (a teeny one in the morning and a longer one in the afternoon)
-She refuses to put her feet down on the floor when she is in her jumper which means she doesn't jump.
-She doesn't care for her carseat.

Here are the outtake pictures........