Walking on Sunshine...WHOAAA

The sun is still out and it makes my spirits happy!

Mama put Nora's hair into pigtails for the first time.  The explosion of cuteness makes me smile....

I spent some time on the back porch with my boys.  They are carbon copies of each other.  It makes me smile!

While Joe was cooking dinner, I got some snuggles in with Mac.  I won't be able to snuggle him for a while so I took advantage.

4th time's the charm?

Tomorrow is a big day.  Tomorrow, I will be having my FOURTH surgery in SIX years.  True story.  I got to looking through Facebook around each previous surgery.  The outpouring of love and support through each and every surgery had me tearing up a little.  I am actually pretty calm going into this one.  It is crazy to think that on May 15, 2009 I had my first surgery and my first tumor.

While I am pondering all of these things, I am thinking about each and every one of my surgeries.  Kind of like a mental timeline.  Then I was like....well I will just put it out there.  I have no shame and I have no problem telling my business.  All of the blogs that I have read about Endo made me feel like I wasn't alone (it's easy to feel alone when you have an "invisible" disease, meaning you can't look at me and tell that something is wrong).  Maybe my blog post about Endo will do that for someone else.

Here it goes!

2009 (2 months before my wedding, true story)
I was having a lot of pain.  My mama dragged me to the hospital (I really really hate hospitals and needles so dragging is a true description).  Low and behold, my scans revealed a growth on my right ovary.  I was booked into the hospital and scheduled for surgery immediately.  That tumor was the size of Mr. Potato Head and weighed in at almost 6 pounds.  I have a massive 4 inch scar to prove it.

That was the start of my Endometriosis diagnosis.  I didn't know much about it except that it sucked and that recovery SUCKED.  I had to move back home.  I couldn't be alone.  I couldn't do anything by myself.  I remember being sooooooo excited to go back to my own house like a month later but then almost passing out just trying to shave my legs.  While reading my Facebook statuses around that time I stumbled upon this little gem.  Little did I know how UNTRUE it was.

YAY! the doctor cleared me! I am ok! there is only a 10% chance of it coming back! I can get in a pool and i can drink! YAY!!!!

Well, I could drink and I could get in the pool.  That 10% part?  It was a lie.  However, I did stumble upon another status that is the truth.  I made it my motto at the time.  

Tough times never last, but tough people do.

2012 (just over a year after having Mac)

I had a sharp jabbing pain that sent me over.  I knew immediately that something was bad but I am stubborn (imagine that) and waited for a couple of days before calling my doctor.  I figured if I didn't pay attention to it and I didn't talk about it then it wasn't real.  Guess what?!  It was back.  I had another almost 6 pound growth on my right ovary and this one had ruptured and I was bleeding pretty badly internally.  The cool thing about this time though is that I was going to have a laparoscopic surgery and it would be outpatient.  I wouldn't have to have another massive scar.  

They did an incision about half an inch long above each of my hipbones and one in my belly button.  My insides looked like a grenade had exploded.  My doctor had to take out my right ovary and right fallopian tube because it was so bad in there.  At my post op, I was told that I would not be able to have any more babies.  That was hard to hear.  I needed to remind myself about that touch people quote.

2014 (just 4 months after having Nora)

Being pregnant with Nora was like being in hell.  A lot of things went wrong and I had a really difficult pregnancy.  Delivery was super easy and I was like a rockstar superwoman.  However, I couldn't stop bleeding after I had her.  Four months later, I was still bleeding and having a lot of pain.  Back in for testing I went.  This time there was no tumor but it looked like my token ovary was stuck to something.  That happens a lot with Endo.  My doctor decided that I needed to have another surgery to try to clear up the Endo.  When they got in during the surgery, my Endo had changed. It looked like I had pepper sprinkled all over the inside of me.  My doctors did the best they could to clean everything out.

After the surgery, I went on Lupron Depot to try to gain control of my Endo.  Don't Google it.  It was miserable.  I had a ton of problems and complications.  Things rapidly went downhill.  The amount of medication I had to take was unreal.  The complications from the multiple medicines was also unreal.  I rotated between laughing and crying.  Sometimes it was so bad that it was like a movie (infections, side effects, kidneys shutting down).  When it was time for me to do the third round of Lupron, I said no and my doctor agreed.  There was two options.  I could go on trial medications or I could have surgery.  Big surgery.

2015 (one month before Nora turns one)
Tomorrow, I go in for hopefully my last surgery.  This will hopefully be the last time that Joe takes a picture of me drugged up and prepping for surgery.  Tomorrow, I will have a 3ish hour surgery.  Tomorrow, they will try to go through some of my previous scars laparoscopically to remove my left ovary and left fallopian tube and my uterus and my cervix.  Tomorrow, I will have a full hysterectomy at the age of 30.  Isn't that crazy?  Tomorrow will be the start of me feeling better.  Of me not constantly being in pain.  Of me not having the energy to do anything.  I will be able to be a better wife and a better mom.  I don't remember a time where I wasn't in pain.  I am looking forward to that.  My motto continues to be....

  Tough times never last, but tough people do.
  

Good ole vitamin d

These past couple of days have been BEAUTIFUL.  Saturday we did a lot of yard work.  It almost hit 60 degrees!!!!!

We headed to a local nursery to grab some flowers and citronella.  Mac had a great time picking out flowers.  He enjoyed sitting in the cart with Nora as well!!!

When we got back to the house, we got to work planting my new pretties!!!  We put Nora in the grass which is hilarious because she HATES the grass.  She refuses to move.  At one point, our neighbor's dogs got too close to her and Mac felt the need to sit next to her to guard her.  It was super sweet.  He had such a serious macho face going....

He eventually moved on....and continued running through the sprinkler.  Only in Alaska would a kid run through the sprinkler when it is like 55 degrees out.

I planted my citronellas in some cheapo plastic containers from Lowes.  I put my geraniums and dahlias in my big green planters.  I planted my lily that my student gave me.

My mama came in Saturday night and Mac was oh so excited!  We got up Sunday morning and went and grabbed some breakfast.  Mac was acting bonkers so we made sure that we stayed outside and let him run amuk like a crazy person.  He played with Avery and Addison and a water hose.  Nora sat on the front porch with me on a towel.  She tans and Mac just stays white.  It is weird.

Mama took Nora in and tried to put her down for a nap.  She was successful....maybe too much so because she also fell asleep!

While the kids were taking their afternoon naps, Mama and Joe went to the grocery store while I got my tan on the back porch.  Hayward spent some quality time with me.  He is just a big ole baby.

Mama was also able to get her snuggles on with the kids.  Mac looks like he has no pants on....which he technically doesn't but he does have on his drawers.....

Today has also been nuts.  We have been running around cleaning.  I had to go to the hospital this morning to get bloodwork done.  I had to wait FOREVER.  I hate needles.  Then when I got back we kept cleaning.  We have people coming to take pictures of the house this afternoon so I am trying to get the counters cleaned off.  I hid stuff everywhere.  Microwave.  Oven.  Closet.  Cabinets.  Behind a chair.  Everywhere.

Probably need to clean that oven.....and the microwave.

Cupcakes, tears, bathtime, clothes!

Yes that is a random blog title.  It accurately covers our family afternoon.  We picked up dinner from our favorite burger place in town and grabbed some cupcakes.  We went across the street to have dinner with our neighbors.  We love them!  Mac loves him some Avery.  Nora just likes being around everyone.

For some reason, Avery and Mac were both in cranky moods.  They burst into tears and tantrums for no real reason.  Kids are strange.  What did I do?  Why yes, I took out my phone and took pictures of them crying.  It made me giggle.

We decided to just bring Mac home and try to get him to calm down and take a bath.  We were really hoping that Nora would go to sleep but nope.  She was game on awake.  She speedy crawled into the bathroom to play.  She thought it was hilarious to hand toys to Mac who was in the tub.

After the bath fun, Joe decided to take care of the floors downstairs.  I kept Nora upstairs in my room while I folded laundry.  She zoom crawled herself all over the place.  She had a good time playing in front of the mirror.  Then I think she hit her version of nirvana.....my closet.  She had a good time flinging the sleeves everywhere and wrapping sleeves on her head.  It was super cute!

This weekend we are going to do some cleaning and some more cleaning.  I hope the weather stays as nice as it has been because we can get some stuff done outside.  I really want my grass to turn green.  And I REALLY want my tulips to all be ok.  So far I have about 8 tulips starting to come up but that is no where near the amount I actually planted.  I also need to get by the local nursery and get some flowers to put in my green planters.  I am ready for color!  Everything is just gray and yellow and blah right now outside.  We really need just a good soaking rain.